German brothers, declare war on us!

Otto von Bismarck

My appeal to the German people published in the weekly Die Zeit.
”Italy is launching an appeal to our German brothers. Declare war on us. We will surrender willingly. You won’t even have to fire one rifle shot. We will throw violets and mimosa to your Franz and Gunther as they march through. You are our final hope. Meanwhile, while you reflect and prepare your armoured tanks, we would like you to take care of our public employees. Every day we are sending you by train our rubbish from Campania. Our politicians are toxic waste, we just need to add a few extra wagons, shut tight, so that they too, arrive at Berlin or Cologne. Please take them too. When they arrive, thermo-valorise them straight away. They are more contagious than Ebola or the West Nile virus. We will pay you well. I give you my word that you will not get in exchange, bonds from Parmalat, the greatest collapse in history, or from Cirio and not even shares of Alitalia, that is losing a million Euro a day. I can even reassure you about the State bonds: they won’t be part of the payment. Italy has the biggest public debt in Europe, about 1,626 billion euro. If they had to reimburse all the different types of Treasury Bonds, the Italian State would declare itself bankrupt and the people would be shooting in the streets.
I would like to suggest to you a few names for the sealed wagons. You know many of them, they are even famous abroad, like Berlusconi who offended one of your representatives in the European Community labeling him a kapò. A man who has created himself with a tiny bit of help from friends. In Italy, friendship is sacred and if the friends are called Bettino Craxi, who died as a fugitive from justice in Tunisia, or Marcello Dell’Utri, convicted for tax fraud and false invoicing and the creator of Forza Italia, or Licio Gelli, convicted for having infiltrated his organisation, the P2, in all sectors of the Italian State, you can close an eye. Friends are never betrayed, above all if they exchange the favours. Craxi, for example, made an ad hoc decree that allowed him to have 3 national TV channels with which he could do political propaganda for his party and Gelli signed him up in his organisation of delinquents. Berlusconi also owns Mondadori, the most important Italian publishing group. He was judged thanks to the corruption of the judges by his trusted lawyer, Cesare Previti, who then ended up in prison. If Merkel were to own 3 TV channels and 40 of the daily and weekly publications, she would not need to do the Grosse Koalition. She would have 80% of the vote at the elections. Why don’t you suggest it to her?
With us, the conflict of interests is a funny story that the Centre Left has been telling us for years. Its leaders in reality, pass their time talking about banks and insurance on the telephone, someone goes sailing, someone goes to Arcore to reassure Berlusconi. They are called Violante, Fassino, D’Alema. The latter two are being investigated by the Milan prosecutors. The judge is called Clementina Forleo. Her parents died in a strange accident after they were threatened and she has been made out to be mad by the media, put on trial and transferred. I would also like you to take Veltroni, the new one that is left over, a politician that got his training in the 1970s and he has been given a new coat of paint with the new colours of the Democratic Party (PD). A new brand that is a substitute for the Democrats of the Left (DS) that had replaced the name Democratic Party of the Left (PDS) that came after the Italian Communist Party (PCI). Our politicians are chameleons. They change name and colour but they stay always the same. They hope that the voters will forget that Italian politics has been the worst in Europe in the last 20 years.
I wouldn’t want you to forget Mastella who lives in Ceppaloni. A gentleman who has amused the world. He believed he was the Minister of Justice, but he had a token role. They made him a minister with a giant lollipop and a precise mission: to do the Great Pardon. The first action of the Prodi government was to liberate 24,000 prisoners and the not-put-in-prison hundreds of public officials connected to the parties. Mastella spent so much of his time being photographed in prison with the inmates that they adopted him. He had to resign because his wife ended up under house arrest for abuse of power as a public official, together with an imprecise number of leaders from his family-led party. Dini, a former President of the Council, is extra-toxic waste. He is 77 years old and his internal organs, in particular, his brain, are decomposed. His beautiful wife has been convicted for bankruptcy and sentenced to 2 years and a few months. In Italy, that’s a merit point and he is rightly proud.
I’m asking you to do a raid in Parliament to fill the wagons. You will find 24 who have been convicted and have had their final appeals, for crimes that go from association in armed gangs, to fraud, to giving false witness, to mafia association. Added to these magnificent 24 there are those who have been convicted and have as yet had no appeal or just one appeal, in all about a hundred ruffians. With us “Prescritto” means that the conviction arrived too late to end up in prison. The world champion for this crime is the 90 year old Giulio Andreotti, to be accompanied to the wagon in a wheelchair. He has been convicted for being close to the mafia, but out of time. This is why he was promoted to being a life senator. Perhaps you came to hear that the Governor of Sicily was found guilty in January, for having acted in favour of certain mafia people, and he got a sentence of 5 years, as well as the prohibition on holding public office. He ate a plate of pasties to celebrate. (He thought he would get a lot longer) and then he was forced to resign. But he won’t serve a day in prison even if he gets confirmation of the conviction at the final appeal (with us there are 3 levels of conviction). Two years are done away with for every citizen and three are a pretty little gift from the Great Pardon law from the eloquent Mastella (he’s got a waist measurement of 200 centimetres, he eats like a warthog). To make up for that, Cuffaro will go into Parliament, appointed by his party. In fact, our electoral law, imposed with a sleight of hand by Berlusconi before giving up the position of President of the Council in 2006, sets out that deputies and senators are appointed by the party secretaries and not elected by the Italians. In Parliament, there are many wives, lovers, clerks, lackeys, yes-men, convicts, mafia people, and camorra people. The citizen can just make a mark on a symbol.
Many say that we will end up like Argentina. In reality we have already done so. But we are ashamed to say so openly. There are almost 6 million precarious workers in Italy who work one month on and one month off. The luckiest earn 800 euro a month. They are young men and women who will never have a pension. Every year the number increases. Italian industry is Fiat and little else. The big groups are State concessionaires, motorways, telecommunications, energy: they are monopolies. Foreign investments in Italy have collapsed. Spain has overtaken us. In European classifications we are always next to the last or last. Each time we are competing with Greece. Italy has the highest number of frauds in relation to the European Community. European funds, about 9 billion a year, finish up almost all in 3 Italian regions: Campania, Calabria and Sicilia, where the Camorra, Ndrangheta and Mafia are in command. A black hole of mixing between politics and organised crime. I could go on for hours, but I don’t have the courage or the space. Let the train start off as soon as possible and invade us. The Italians are on your side. “Cry for me, Deutschland”. Beppe Grillo

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just some words about the germans that youd like to invite :

they even avoid places where there are too many italians...
thats about how much they love and respect us:

Posted by: ian redford | February 25, 2008 04:59 PM

I like the way you put serious matters on a humoristic outrages way!!

I am sorry for those who do not understand it.

keep going Beppe

Posted by: maurizio b | February 19, 2008 11:06 PM

Agree 100% with Johannes!

To be radically unhappy with our politician is fine, and is probably a good sign of civil sensibility, but the words you used, Beppe are pretty brutal, and I fear, offensive for a lot of germans, that here we probably offend!


Posted by: Alessandro Ogheri | February 19, 2008 12:47 PM

Mr Grillo could import a party from Germany: The CREATORS (=DIE KREATIVEN), 1. evolutionary party of the world, foundet in 1985 in Erlangen/Bavaria.

We and our political program will initiate the new world order of creativity, which is die final POWER in the evolutionäry process, and which still waits ante portas.

All wrong developments in the global and national political and economic areas will be stoped. The old political parties will end their existenz.

Angela Merkel knows this political option for Germany and all other democratic countries.

Posted by: Kalupner Rüdiger | February 19, 2008 12:31 PM

Mr Grillo could import a party from Germany: The CREATORS (=DIE KREATIVEN), 1. evolutionary party of the world, foundet in 1985 in Erlangen/Bavaria.

We and our political program will initiate the new world order of creativity, which is die final POWER in the evolutionäry process, and which still waits ante portas.

All wrong developments in the global and national political and economic areas will be stoped. The old political parties will end their existenz.

Angela Merkel knows this.

Posted by: Kalupner Rüdiger | February 19, 2008 12:26 PM

Mr Grillo could import a party from Germany: The CREATORS (=DIE KREATIVEN), 1. evolutionary party of the world, foundet in 1985 in Erlangen/Bavaria.

We and our political program will initiate the new world order of creativity, which is die final POWER in the evolutionäry process, and which still waits ante portas.

All wrong developments in the global and national political and economic areas will be stoped. The old political parties will end their existenz.

Angela Merkel knows this.

Posted by: Kalupner Rüdiger | February 19, 2008 12:25 PM

Mr Grillo could import a party from Germany: The CREATORS (=DIE KREATIVEN), 1. evolutionary party of the world, foundet in 1985 in Erlangen/Bavaria.

We and our political program will initiate the new world order of creativity, which is die final POWER in the evolutionäry process, and which still waits ante portas.

All wrong developments in the global and national political and economic areas will be stoped. The old political parties will end their existenz.

Angela Merkel knows this.

Posted by: Kalupner Rüdiger | February 19, 2008 12:24 PM

"...Our politicians are toxic waste, we just need to add a few extra wagons, shut tight, so that they too, arrive at Berlin or Cologne. Please take them too. When they arrive, thermo-valorise them straight away. They are more contagious than Ebola or the West Nile virus."

I fully understand that you guys developed a deep anger against your political class, however the words I read above above really don't seem to be fit for someone who most definitely would claim to be anti-fascist and humanistic for instance.

No matter how egoistic, partisan, selfish, incapable and corrupt your politicians are - they are egoistic, partisan, selfish, incapable and corrupt HUMANS.

I assume we all have heard about a time that started with humans being compared to viruses, a time in which humans were ACTUALLY put in railway wagons not meant for transporting persons, tightly shut and carted for hours to foreign countries, I think also in Italian schools you learn about the fact that way too many human lives ended in buildings with chimneys.

I wouldn't be surprised if after the years of
Berlusconi and his friends from the right, the room for those topics in curriculums was reduced in Italian schools, but I would hope that Grillo would not talk about humans(as bad as they might be) with motifs reminiscent of Nazi propaganda and deeds.

So, sometimes in your anger just pause for a moment and think about what you are saying. Because I feel from my own experience of having lived in Italy for almost two years, that your country needs some change. And no, not the change from Berlusconi to Prodi, definetely not the change from Prodi to Berlusconi (Tell your nonna to turn off the TV...), but a different change.

I even think winning an election against "the politicians" by someone external might be possible, but the time after that will be extremely difficult.

In bocca al lupo Beppe, you'll need it!

Posted by: Johannes | February 19, 2008 05:19 AM

The Germans know Italy and the Italians for what they really are . They are not going to waste a Euro on invading Italy and trying to create orderly honest government .
An Italian friend of mine represents a German company that make surgical instruments and other hospital equipment . The German Company has associate companies in most other European countries . Italy alone had to form it's own independant distibution company . One can guess why . Politics are a shocking state of affairs in Italy , at every level, it is so sad . People know and don't want to know ; are indifferent , feeling powerless to change anything .

Posted by: David Barneby | February 19, 2008 04:10 AM

Hello everyone out there,
I am really surprised and dumbfounded, for as much as streetwise Italians claim to be, they get jerked around over and over again by the same buffoons.
Are these the same Italians that put together Cosa Nostra and pretty much ruined the reputation of each and every Italian?
Sicilians have been very proficient into keeping turist away from Sicily, Politicians have done the same for Naples, and Mr. Rutelli sealed the image on
Maybe I got the wrong perception, although the people that supposedly should have a good grip on Italy and the Institution are the most clueless about Italy.
Any possible plan of action about this Country turns out to be a complete failure in any field.
Any ideas on the How come?
What happen to Belpaese?
I will guarantee all of you, if you vote me I will turn the Country inside out!
I am running for Prime Minister and my Party’s name “Italia-Knowme”
Thanks for your patronage, just ask me “What can I do You for!”
The future looks bright wear shades.

Posted by: Giacomo Chiametti | February 18, 2008 05:19 PM

Beppe, are you trying to apply Shock Therapy to the brainwashed Italians? Will it work? I doubt it, as long as cappuccino bars and good food are available for the massses. Italians must go to France to learn how to remove this stinking Casta from power.

Posted by: Mark | February 18, 2008 02:32 PM

Hello everyone,
Reading the comments giggling and at the same time I have to be understanding toward some of you for not being cognizant about Italy and the Political Status.
First was a Monarchy, with Fascism Italy since 1922 became the Ruling Only Party in Parliament.
After WWII 1948 Italy Became a Constitutional Democratic Republic.
Therefore from 1948 to 2008, 61 Government in 60 years, that is what these Idiotic Italian Politicians have managed to do for Italy.
So let’s stop the wining, Italy is better off with whoever is willing to invade it, if Germans would be like icing on the cake, compared with the crop of Politicians Italy had for the last 60 years (By the way few are still alive, I wouldn’t say kicking although still sucking blud from Institutions!)
The future looks bright wear shades.

Posted by: Giacomo Chiametti | February 18, 2008 01:53 PM

Hey Beppe
Send the train in Greece too.
We got a lot of toxic, corrupted, lackeys to Americans, politicians.
We, preferably, should embark them in a ship and sink her, but they would pollute Mediterranean.

Posted by: Hellenic Voice | February 18, 2008 01:37 PM

Uhm, Beppe... I find this post of yours a bit embarassing and sour, to say the least.

To invite Germans to invade Italy, again (!), is tasteless and cruel to those who suffered so much during WWII, with your martyrs of FOSSE ARDEATINE and all the Jews, political dissidents and others who were gassed by the Nazis only 60 years ago!

To mention the "sealed wagons" the way you do is horrifying and brings back memories that are simply inhuman and sorrowful... I lost relatives in those wagons, and you should NOT joke about it!

You are a comedian, Beppe, and should stay within your artistic call, without "invading" the fields of recent history - still so bitter and painful to the memory of survivors!

Haven't you had enough invasions in the course of your Country's lifetime??? I know you're becoming desperate for its immediate destiny, given the expanding corruption of all your politicians - but do NOT play with fire, you're already quite burnt as it is!

Posted by: Rob Roy | February 18, 2008 01:09 PM

Only death penalty for political corruption and ten years of "cultural revolution" can save Italy, EU and USA from decadence.

China has made this in the last 30 years and now is ready for the leadership of the world in the next few centuries....

Posted by: fabrizio | February 18, 2008 10:25 AM

Almighty Beppe !!!
what you write it's sad but truth, but i have to msay that we could turn over THE CASTA on this election if you Beppe o Travaglio decide to face this dirty job proposing yourself guys on this election ( and you know you will have millions of votes just professing a "clean parlament" policy).
It's a shame you could have being the savior of Italy and hero but unfortunately with the psiconano becoming the next priemier (again and again) our country will die and the italians will die under the casta's tortures.
Beppe i will admire you anyway thanks to bring light in these dark years of shit!!!
Gionata Frau Dublin

Posted by: frau gionata | February 18, 2008 10:12 AM

Hello everyone,
Although I was among the first to invite any bordering European Country to Invade Italy, I sadly have to admit none of Italy’s neighbors is willing to waist so much energy and investments to save Italics asses.
Lets be realistic here, if these Inept, Incompetent, Corrupt Politicians keep coming back unaffected by the myriads of scandals and Government failures, there must be a reason.
To mine understand of Italy and the way it functions, there is no solution other than a simple uprising or a Military Coup.
Now the Military is out of the questions, Italian Army has already very hard time maintaining peace everywhere they are currently serving, in Italy itself Police and Carabinieri receive already very little respect and do not exercise any intimidation at all, so the Army would be laughable at best.
As for the uprising, well I do have some hope for this possibility, although the situation has to become much worst to push Italians over the brink, in the end they like to call themselves lovers not fighters.
In the end, when in a Country more then 50% of Population benefits one way or the other from the system going astray, your chances of society not imploding on itself are two, zip and none.
Today Italy is a dinosaur left over from the Industrialize Revolution, and whoever grabbed the upper hand back there is still in charge.
Italian society today is controlled, laid out, and managed in the Boardrooms not by the Parties and even less by the voters.
Italy is Controlled by Monopolies, from Banks (Two major!) Industries (Fiat, the one and only!) Eni (Oil major, government!) Communication (Telecom, now Telefonica with Government!) TV (Rai and Mediaset!), I am actually surprised Italy is in the G8, by definition it should be in the Fourth Country Category.
As I sat many times, Italy is attached to Europe; therefore Europe has to drag Italy along just like Greece and the Balkans.
The way to awareness is a long one, when Italians will realize they are supporting the same system that suppresses their freedom and feed the Dinosaur.
Italian mentality can’t discern The System, and Their Freedom, Italian believe that Politics and Politicians are elected because of their Political Faith and this come from Religion.
There is no Political Faith, these crop of Politicians are in it for their personal gain, they have no responsibility, they will promise anything that will get them elected.
61 Government in 60 years should have thought something, I guess not the same Idiots are campaigning again promising left and right and they will take care of you and your posterity as well.
The basic question still remains:
Do they have any Credibility left?
Do you believe them again?
There you have it?
Italy is beautiful, although are Italians I am sure of!
The future looks bright wear shades.

Posted by: Giacomo Chiametti | February 18, 2008 10:09 AM

And BTW, Margaret Thatcher and Tony Blair are still available. Lady Thatcher is a bit old, but not much older than our politicians. She could be our President. Tony Blair could be our Prime Minister, he is still a youngster by comparison.

Posted by: Alessandro17 | February 18, 2008 04:28 AM

I have posted this to an international forum:

I have asked my British friends to come instead. In about 20 years they made Britain one of the best places in Europe, thanks to Margaret Thatcher and Tony Blair.
They seem to agree.

Posted by: Alessandro17 | February 18, 2008 04:15 AM


Posted by: raimondo loriga | February 18, 2008 04:08 AM


Posted by: raimondo loriga | February 18, 2008 03:39 AM

Grillo, seriously, you don't want to ship our politicians and garbage to German incinerators. Why? Because once the toxic gases produced by their incinerators get into the atmosphere, the winds can carry them for hundreds of kilometers, so that Italians will eventually suck into their lungs (along with other pollutants) all the toxic gases of the garbage they thought had disappeared in Germany somewhere. They call this phenomena "transboundary air pollution". Actually, the Green Party in Germany should start a campaign and get the incinerators dismantled -if they haven't already. German incinerators, besides producing "fine particulate matter"; mercury and dioxin and some energy, produces manure in the form of euros. Yeap, they profit from other people's waste and, while at it, damage the planet. The more garbage Italians produce the bigger German profits. Mmmm...I gotta a feeling our German brothers aren't going to satisfy your plea in any event.

Posted by: Louis Pacella | February 17, 2008 10:39 PM

I doubt our German brothers will be keen to take our shit…
Anyway supposing we manage to get rid of all our politicians who will be in charge of the country?
Because maybe it is not just Mastella, Dini, D’Alema, Berlusconi etc. that are corrupt and inept. Maybe all Italian politicians that are…shit!
I am saying this because IF there are a few honest politicians why isn’t everybody voting for them? And IF there are honest politicians and Italians do not vote for them, whilst they vote for Berlusconi, who is to blame?
But let’s assume that there are no honest politicians. This will make us feel better.
So where do politicians come from? They are all Italians, of Italian descents, always been in Italy. If all politicians are Italians, and all politicians are corrupt/dishonest/inept, therefore all Italians are…?
I agree it does not always work like this but I think we are not that far off to say that MANY Italians are a bit dodgy.
Italy is the country with the highest level of organised crime. And mafiosi are Italians. How many Italians pay taxes? And how many Italians follow the highway code? When the Euro was introduced all the Italian shops put up the prices contributing to a massive increase of the real inflation. That was Italians screwing fellow Italians...
How many Italian have tried to avoid military service with the help of a “friendly” doctor?
Haven’t we all tried to copy a test or an exam? Italians that manage to cheat are always seen as “furbi” and that’s fine with everybody.
And maybe all Italian employers could be more honest with their employees.
What I am trying to say is that politicians are a product of a society. A society that in a way or another is still miles away from the German, British, Japanese or Scandinavian society.
Politician are no better that the average Luigi. They just have more power and can put their hands on more candies.
And shall we get Germans back in. I thought we once had them in but we were not happy about that. Maybe we did not want to be honest after all.

Posted by: Andrea Ceccanti | February 17, 2008 10:17 PM

Hi Beppe, as a German I must say that I'm against your proposal. Not that I would mind seeing some discipline and order in Florence and Sicily but the price you are asking is far too high. Not even my worst enemy would deserve your politicians. And I can't imagine anybody else in the enlightened world will take your offer. I'm afraid you'll have to sort them out yourself. Why don't you create a place where money can buy everything, especially convenient laws, stupidity is a virtue and you get the furthest if you care the least about anybody else but yourself. And of course all old sins are forgiven and forgotten. Your politicians would surely race to such a place, wouldn't they? Alas, that place already exists and unfortunately for you it's Italy. Or are there enough people in your country who are willing to change that? Now that is a great idea...

Posted by: Toralf Lahs | February 17, 2008 09:26 PM

I have troubles posting in Italian, so let me join the debate about politics and freedom in this Blog.

I do not agree on everything Beppe says, but I do support him. I do not agree on criticism to Grillo staff of censorship because of their own political ambitions.

Let's face it, if you look for Saints giving their life without any self-interest you have to search in Convents, not in Politics.

Politics means compromise and Democracy means Rules to make sure that people, event the best and pure, do not stay in power too long and that you do have real change from time to time.

Democracy trusts Rules, not people: no Supermen, no Divine rights, no chosen by the Lord, no Castas, no oligarchy of money or position.

Beppe is no Saint, he is no Messiah, he is no Supreme Leader. He is just someone that show how the net can support democracy and freedom of speech. He is just suggesting a path for democratic change bottom-up. This Animal Farm comparison of his staff to Orwells' pigs is not only unfair, it is basically wrong. Why should they give away their ego and work for free?

WARNING the debate about whether or not to vote because all Italian politician are the same in very wrong.

Democracy in not about building perfect societies (rather perfection is what totalitarianisms aim for), but about choosing among given alternatives the one which fits best.

About Di Pietro, as an example, make no mistake: he is no Saint (2 yrs ago he brought DiGregorio in the Senate). Still, he reflects the principle of a Clean Parliament.

Forza Beppe, you say many things i do not agree with, but I support you.
Forza Staff, getting criticism is part of the game.

Posted by: Libero DallaRai | February 17, 2008 08:38 PM

You are just right Beppe!

Posted by: giovanni fico | February 17, 2008 08:33 PM

You are just right Beppe!

Posted by: giovanni fico | February 17, 2008 08:20 PM

Very funny, but i'm afraid this is the best Italy has to offer.. This kind of politics is the best you can do. That is not because Italian people are so malfunctioning, it is because any political system is unnatural by definition.
So, hahahaha, see, i've laughed at the joke, R.A. Wilson was right but didn't offer an answer, just like the sociology of science.
Can we maybe focus on things to improve life instead of shitting on what is devaluing it ? I think there is enough of the latter.

Posted by: paul p | February 17, 2008 02:41 PM

Dear Beppe,
I've a slight nausea sensation, d'you think it's the flu virus or something else? It's very cold outside and don't want risk going to catch somethig worse into one of our so crowded "pronto soccorso" or getting under the care of the "guardia medica" because they are busy with much more serious cases.
What I'd have appreciated in Your appeal to our German Brothers(they 'll be good brothers because We Italian subjects are paying them in euro! not devalued liras!) would be clearly stated how many euro we'll have to pay per kilogram of garbage we're sending them to process. Before the introduction of the common currency in Europe was 5000(cinquemila) lire per Kg as come out from the investigation of Report, ad please kindly ask Ms Milena Gabanelli to repeat in due time the same job(I'll also try to ask her),hopefully if the new tycoon of RAI will allow her to do it.
Would be really interesting to know these figures before the elections.
Happy accounting to everybody.

Posted by: giovanni soldi | February 17, 2008 01:15 PM

Hello Bappe, your post is great!!
I will soon append it in my department at Åbo Akademi. I received also a paper from the ambassy, with which i can go to vote for the italian election! I will write on that: Grillo Beppe :)

Posted by: Dino De Blasio | February 17, 2008 08:59 AM

Nope, Italy and Germany already did try to ally/fight each other in the second war: it didn't worked

Posted by: Alessandro C. | February 17, 2008 08:53 AM

Well, I sent a message through the Italian section without success.I would like to say the the italian are totally "fucked". Ther'is nothing normal in the italian life. The shit is already very close to the mouth. All of you, it is imperative, you have to act straightway. It's already late. Shoot to the balls of all ministers.Put down the broadcasting of the State,private and that ones belonning to the Vatican. Everything down> After will be possible to build up a new Italy with new men and women. Ad Majora

Posted by: Delfi Marigo Spitaleri | February 17, 2008 06:05 AM

I think you actually have to do it, rather than thinking up the idea.

Posted by: oqbo | February 17, 2008 05:58 AM

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